Thank You Lord

Lord
I'm so thankful for today
So many blessing

but one thing
for celebrating xmas
they don't even remember you
that's so sad

:(

but niwey
I'm so happy
so many frens

and her
:) think i fallen for her

but if can't
You decide Lord
I will follow U

I just hope that U give me somebody who best for me

:)

Thanks for everything Lord

Bless everyone who love me, and whom I love

Thanks
:)

In the Middle of Nowhere

I actually don't know where I am
Its feels like trapped somewhere I don't know
and I can't quit

actually it's not bad at all
still okay
but its just weird
i don't know why people tread me like this
really

so many people in this world
with different wants, needs, habits
just received and accept
and it will getting better

like before, i just hoping for the best but expecting the worst
:)
i'm sad when they treat me like that but it's okay

the thing is, we can't control what other's want to do, right..

it's okay with me
to be abbandon
they didn't even noticed that I'm exist

but somewhere somehow
there's a way

God will make a way
also for my another
for my sin's habbit
and my orientation

Jesus.. He knows what is the best for us, really

:)

I thanks God for her

pray for her
hoping the best

Thanks

Tired

Jesus
I'm so tired
Why this is hapen
I don't know what to do
I just want to be alone for awhile
:(

but maybe this is the better way
but I'm so tired

I need to be alone

I need an accompany

but I also need time for my self, you know

This is make me more sick
:(

Tomorrow is the day

please give me the best way

please guide me what ever will be, will be..

help

:(

I'm Sick

Jesus.. I know I'm so sick
and I hate that I'm telling her that I'm sick
:(
I just don't know why she do that to me!!!
but that's olright

I know everything's gonna be alright
Cos now you're here by my side

:)

Jesus, I know I'm sick
but I thank You for everything

and whatever will be, will be.. :)

I thank You for everything

Thanks :)

the journey begin

261010
the journey begin
and I'm scared
can't stop shaking
but i wanna face it
anything whatever
as long as my God is my guide

leaving all behind
but not my faith

may God bless everyone that love me
and i love

and lets hope that God will help me to do more that my best

God.. help meeeee.. :(

niwey, lets begin!!!!

crying to God..

3 am.. in the morning..
suddenly wake up..
and got cold! :(

and my brain is spinning around..
not understand what happened and what will happen
i just caught in the middle
Jesus, i got stress.. :(

too scare.. too worried..
a lot of things that messed up
i can't see the path..
but yes, once again
i will follow ur sign
i will follow you

and sometimes there is feeling like, is this really what i want
is this what i need?
so crazy
sometimes i want to stop and run away to what i used to be

yes its sound funny
how i crying begging u for this job
and i am also the one who want to run away from this!!

jesus.. please upgrade my faith
so i dont need to worry about simple thing about everything
cos i know that you r watching me
and its okay to do the mistakes, to fail
its okay to looked dumb
its okay to seem foolish

yes its okay

all iz well

jesus, please give me a courage
to pass this step of my life
to be better
to do my best

cos i have talent that u ve gave me
i know
and i should do it the best i can

jesus, take care of my body
take care of my soul
take care of me

and everyone, who love me.. n i love them

thanks.. (:

That's my GOD..!! =)

God.. wanna thank You for all the things happened..
Ruins.. Chaos.. But all the things is beautiful when I see U..
thanks for my angel, who saved my life..
thanks for the laughter and the tears..
thanks for the sun and the rain..
for everyhing! for my family, my friends.. for my boss, my job..
thanks God..
for the appologize..
for receiving me..
for not blaming me..
for show me how U really love me, and actually U r the love.

I'm so scare right away..
but yah, thanks for giving me this chance!
try my best, let me do my best.. for U, for that com, and for me.
for everyone..

sometimes, i wish i cud turn back time..
cud stop the time..
need more rime, haven't ready yet..

but GOD, if U say this is the time, then let it be the time.
i will trust u, i will surrender my life to You

U know my past, my present, my future..
Cos u r my God..

thanks.. =)

I'm not okay, o God..

God, I'm in condition like I can't even pray.. :(
I feel like everything has gone wrong..
And I feel lost..
Feel like I'm even not knowing myself..

It's so hurting me, like I'm nothing
they start to laugh at me, while they don't even know what I am facing
they judge, and they feel like I'm not precious
and I can't be real

and everything that happened between us, it's nothing but a mistake
it's so hurt, Jesus
so hurt till i thought that I better die
forgive me for that thought

Jesus, how to live my life? I just want to know how to run my life wisely?
coz what i need and what i get is far different
and what i think maybe just far false and wrong
Jesus, cud I have normal life?
I mean, am I right?
if U said go on, then I'm going on
if no, please stop me for being dumb of myself

God, I'm not feeling well
i think i'm gonna go crazy
please just come and save me..
i'm really exhausted
i can't handle it myself

i just want to be true about my self
i'm so tired of all this things

about the job, please place me, anywhere that u feel that i cud growing up

and what is the pain in my things?
do i have to get some medical check up?
:(
God, why it can't be just being like that? just happen like that..
:( :(
forgive me, the one who never being thankful for your blessing..

Cuma Curhat Doang

God,
I feel hurt..
Cos there's a probability that she is with him now..
This is the second time, yeah i know i'm hurting myself, not she hurt me..
God.. so what for, she follow me, what for, she msg me, she want to meet for just a little lunhc?
It's just hurt me..again.. :(
And why she not even worried when I'm sick..
Why she like greening at my status somehow..

It's hurts
and also it's my fault.. again..

I just want to end it once again, God..
how?
or I sud really2 keep in this until sometime?

don't understand, how selfish she is..
or she just thinking that I'm okay with her as friend right now?

yeah its my fault.. to open up this heart once in a while..
and how to deal with it?
she just don't even care if I'm with somebody else
and in fact, i don't have somebody else..!!

God, her happiness is your business, not mine..
but I just confuse how to face this thing?
Yeah, just let it flow Poeh
let her try her want and her will
what her thought that good for her

Holy God, I lose my spirit
to look for a job
to wake up
to make my life
to find someone else

I lose my spirit to serve U
I lose my life
I lose my self

please help me
to face the truth
to get better
to be a person

God, where will it come?
I'm tired and lacking time to wait and wait again
feel like the world is running and left me
what shud I do?
everything seems wrong

God, please change me to be a better man
so I cud be myself
find a job
make a family
serve U better

everything seems impossible right now
though nothing impossible with u, but this is really happen
i'm in depressed

Goooodddddddd... please help me
make it real, make it fast..
I don't wanna stuck in here
but I wanna run.. run fast

God.. please make it possible..

what can I do? what shud I do?

I'm losing my way.. :(

somehow hoping she's getting married soon
so she wud not bother me..
but it'll hurt.. coz she's still being a part of me
and indefenetely I'm a part of her?
just not sure..

:(

take care of her, God
always
coz I love her, more than anything in this world
and maybe becos of that, you take her from me..

forgive me and teach me to be better
to love U better
and to be better yours

thanks God..

Still You

Dear my half soul..
Thanks for today, for the chance to meet u again..

After all this time, after all the things happen,
I know that I still love you
because it's always you
somebody that I always want to feel the happiness, to share good things..
and also someone whom i want to be with, when the life is too s*cks to live in.

and even its a thousand miles away, I cried when I'm missing you
it's true

and even I have friends to share my life, always there is something missing..
it's always you

I don't know how to live this life without you
I've tried twice or more
but it never worked
I just need you and you are a part of my life

i wish your love for me somehow will come back
and let love find the way
and God hear our heart
give us another chance to be together again

just love you, and will be always you
if you somehow must leaving
i just hope that i wud love somebody else like i do for you
and she will love me back

i love you..like i always do..

Fail!!

Friends..
When we are facing the unsuccessful thing in our life, the first thing to do maybe to face the truth that we're fail!

Yes.. I'm fail..!!

My job application isn't success..
And what am I going to do now?
Yes I wud searching for new one, and make some application again..
Until when? Until success.. of course..

Sometimes, I don't want to face the truth, I just pretend that something wrong, that I'm not fail, and I just keep on waiting something happen, and my failure change to successful..
It's seems crazy but it happen right now..

Another thing is..
I fail in my love life..
Yes she's gone.. but sometimes I just run away from the truth and just pretend that someday she'll come back, coz she's making mistakes right now..

O God.. please help me to realise that fail is fail..
And It's okay to fail
As long as we're moving on after the fail, unto the success

God.. please let me tell my self that.. yes, I'm facing the failure right now!!
but that's not the point.. the main point is.. I have to wake up.. and make a move, to make a success someday.

And another important thing is..
I don't have to worry.. don't scare to make a first new step.


I'm facing sooooooooo much failure in the same time, right now..
I have no friend, have no community, have no girlfriend, have no job..
seem that I have no future

But of course I have future, only if I left the failure behind..
and moving forward to the sucessfull future..
always like that..

Forgive Me, Lord

God.. something appear on my mind..
You let her with him, maybe becoz I'm not good enough for You..
I'm sorry
to not hear You
to abandon You
to not doing Your want me to do
second time
alwayz
I didn't pray, didn't read, didn't serve You
didn't hear You..
He is better than me in You, God
yes maybe it's true, i don't know
but I see that..

forgive me Lord
to not being able to be like him
I'm no one compare to him

maybe she will be happier with him

and I?
I have to learn many things, first..
to love You
to love my self
to love anybody else
and than to love my soulmate

I keep on trusting U, God..
to take care my self
to find my way
to find my soulmate
somewhere out there

i believe in You

and I hope You forgive me for the continuous sins that I do

please help me out of this sins

more like You
listen to You
and be better and better each day

Love You, Lord

thanks

God, it's just happen again!

God, why You do this to me?
what shud I believe?
I lost my self
again
I thought that there's a new chance

but I'm just a fool
to hope
just a fool
to dream

and now, it crush and burn again

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

it's the second chance that she break my heart

i'm okay

i feel fine

just go away

and never come back

You're all I ever wanted in a miracle

Could have been so easy
To have lived my life so different
And to follow down the road
Of wandering despair
Then like a wave of sunshine
You appeared just lake a vision
And opened up your heart
And made me live again

You're all I ever wanted in a miracle
You make my life so wonderful
With everything you do
You're all I ever wanted in a miracle
I do
Believe that there's a reason to love

At night as I lay sleeping
I forget that you are near me
And awake to find you lying
So close and so secure
I've never had this feeling
Of such deep profound devotion
It beckons to my soul
And fills my heart with love

You're all I ever wanted in a miracle
You make my life so wonderful
With everything you do
You're all I ever wanted in a miracle
I do
Believe that there's a reason to love

Like a boit of deadly lightning flashing through my mind
I remember the time that I was oh, so alone
So baby, don't go, don't go.

You're all I ever wanted in a miracle - Gordon

klik untuk download lagu

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God.. what's the meaning of missing her again?

When I know, I'm not one of the options of her future..

God.. what should I do now?

Just seating here and wait, or I have to fight once again?

I'm so afraid to losing her again..

Is it a chance, or just another way to pain?

Should I not hear of her again?

Should I better go?

Is it love or fool?

:( 

God.. I wish her.. again.. and I know that You're listening

and You will taking hand over us..

Thanks.. :)

Cud I just send a spirit message to her?

*sigh* confuse..

ketulusan vs kebodohan

Tuhan..
apa arti mencintai seseorang dengan sepenuh hati walau disakiti? ketulusan atau kebodohan?
ketika tetap memaafkan walau berulang kali terjadi kesalahan yang sama?
ketika tetap mencintai walau tak ada harapan untuk balik dicintai?
ketika berbuat yang terbaik untuk orang yang dicintai walau tak dihargai?
ketika hanya memikirkan kebahagiaan orang yang dicintai walau dia tak pernah mikirin saya sama sekali?
ketika tetap berharap meski sepertinya harapan itu tidak ada?
ketika tetap menunggu meski entah sampai kapan?

Tuhan.. saya telah pernah mundur, tapi ternyata tidak benar2 mundur..
ketika ada sedikit saja celah, saya ingin kembali masuk kesana..

Tuhan.. saya telah jatuh cinta dan patah hati berulang kali dengan orang yang sama..
apa cinta ini adalah sebuah ketulusan atau kebodohan?

God, cud U give me that chance?
is this love or just addicted?
so, what's love?
i don't understand what is love.. coz this is so damn right that it's love
if it's wrong, than what's love?

God, in a month.. what should I do?
I'm still crying a million tears of missing her..
God, cud I find job there? to get away from her?

forget my dreams?
OmG, I'm in doubt.. about everything, about my life..
sometimes, sadly, means about You too, my Lord
I'm sorry.. I should not..

God, if love is the point, cud You teach me it?
May You take a look at my heart?

yeah.. it's sometimes called as FOOLISH.. but it's so TRUE..

thanks God

God must be kidding me..

God, You know that I dreamt of her in 2 days later..
Sakit hati patah hati
Ketemu dia lagi hari ini
Dan tau kalo dia ga mungkin memilih gua lagi selamanya..
T_T
Feel like dying
Ketika tau itu, dan tau bahwa gua bener masi cinta mati sama dia
T_T

God.. I'm in love with her..
so in love with her
but what can I do
I can do nothing
Do You hear me God?
Do You with me?

What i should do?
I love her, and I just love her with all over my heart
no one else
T_T

I must be crazy
You must be kidding me with all this stuff, God

I'm crying until I fall asleep last night
and today she call me
and we met

and tomorrow

OMG
what am I doing?
do I lost my mind?
do this love?
or I just lost my way?

God..
cud I follow this "heart"?
or I should use my "brain"?

help..
I know it's just a month again, and I want to make it worth
but this is crazy
i'm falling deeper and deeper
God, help help help help help help help help

Forgive me.. I lost my mind..
please come to rescue me, God..
please..

God, You know, it's hurt me.. T_T
too blind to see..
help help help

Goodddddddddd, pleaaasssseeeeeeeee heeeeelllllpppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

suck!

Jesus, don't you know that my life is suck!
no.. no.. no.. my life is a mercy..
but they just make me hate my life, hate my self, hate You..
they say about responsibility, trust, principle, and love.. to forget and forgive..
they over help, to change, to be right, and they think that they are right!!

God, until when... I have to hold this feeling?
to keep trying to be someone else?
to pretend that I am as they are... to laugh at my condition with them..
to try be a "better" person, and "kill" my self

I wanna die, tonight..
I hate being me..
I hate this condition..
I hate pain that never end..

where are You, my Survivor?
help me, I'm insane, I lose my way..
I need You right now
I'm badly broken

we need Your help, Jesus..
please show the world that You are exis to help us
show us Your way
help us through this
too many people feel the same way

please God, please..
come here and take away us..

thanks

Thanks God

Kau telah memilih diriku

Sebelum dunia ada dijadikan

Hanya karna kasih karunia Mu

Ku dijadiikan anak kesayangan Mu

Tlah habis segenap tuk bisa  ungkapkan

Besar nya kasih setiaMu
Hanya dengan nyanyian lagu rinduku...

Ku bersyukur Kau lah yang terbaik 

Yang ku punya di dalam hidupku

Tak ada yang bisa menggantikan 

Kasih setiaMu

Di sepanjang hidupku slamanya...

Trimakasih Tuhan

Ku dipilih......

song by: Pure Band - Ku Dipilih

download lagu Ku Dipilih - Pure Band

---------------------------------------------

thanks God.. for everything You've given me..

thanks God.. to be my God, to be my Lord..

for the appologize

for the love

for everyone that accompany me in my life

God.. what can I do without You, what am I without You

so please be with me forever and always

and let me with You forever and always

Thanks..

Our God is an Awesome God

Awesome God - Michael W Smith


When He rolls up His sleeves
He ain't just puttin' on the ritz
(our God is an awesome God)
There is thunder in His footsteps
And lightning in His fist
(our God is an awesome God)
Well, the Lord wasn't joking
When He kicked 'em out of Eden
It wasn't for no reason that He shed his blood
His return is very close and so you better be believing
that our God is an awesome God

REFRAIN
Our God(our God) is an awesome God
He reigns(He reigns) from heaven above
With wisdom(with wisdom) pow'r and love
our God is an awesome God

And when the sky was starless in the void of the night 
(our God is an awesome God)
He spoke into the darkness and created the light
(our God is an awesome God)
Judgment and wrath he poured out on Sodom
Mercy and grace He gave us at the cross
I hope that we have not too quickly forgotten that
our God is an awesome God

Refrain x3

Our God is an awesome God
Our God is an awesome God 
(Our God is an awesome God)
(Our God is an awesome God)

link untuk download lagu ini:

http://www.4shared.com/audio/V8MGL8Ci/Michael_W_Smith_-_Our_God_is_a.htm

still missing u somehow

hey.. I've already see your page on fb..
and I just wanna say

hoping that u really feeling fine
hoping that u find ur happiness
hoping u getting married soon and happy
hoping u are alright

and hoping that u never crying in remember me, but smile..

o God.. I must be deeper in love with her

but it's okay, it's alright

I'll find my own happiness, really.. and I promise I'll be happy..

Thanks God..
:)

Is it LOVE?

I've met somebody..
Now, i can't sleep.. i can't breath..
She always on my mind..

ALways check her twitter and fb..
want to call her ym constantly..but i'm too afraid to interupt her..

O God.. am I in love?
or this is happen to me because I am in my loneliness?
God, please tell me, what to do when I am dealing with this feeling

Is it her?
Is it not too fast?
Is it Your will?

God..I'm too afraid to falling in love again..
sigh

What am I?

I still searching the answer.. for the same questions that appear constantly inside my mind..
What am I?
Can't anybody describe "me"?
Refer to my condition........
What kind of person am I?

I am not A and I am not B
I am an A but I am also a B

This things is make me sick.. I need to find the answer, the truth, the proof, so they wud listen to me..

They say, so what?? Whether who you are, just keep on moving, be maximilize what you have..
But I can't.. seems I can't deal with my self.. :(
Hate what I see on the mirror..

Hate my condition
Hate my self
Hate me
Angry with my creator
Why this is happen to me?
When can I know which way to go?
Or when can I get that chance, to be changed?

Frustated.. :( :( :(

Ketika Cinta Harus Berakhir

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eTAbIWSlnE


I'm only left with a piano to accompany me all day
Sleepin on a grand piano
Silently worning out
I think you've shown it prefectly clear
I understand and I know that you're willing to
You said that you will be sad
But I don't believe it
Accompanying me and holding my hand like before
I hope that he really love you more than I do
So I will forced myself to leave you
You want me to stay, it's hard for me
I don't even want us to separate
Why do I still replace my sadness with a smile?
I really don't have that talent
Being with you and then accept him
You don't have to worry too much
I can manage on my own
You've gone so far away
And I will slowly walk away
Why do I still hold you when I should be leaving?
I really don't have that skill
To remain silent so soon
I will learn how to give you up
It's because I still love you so much

==============================================

Yes, I still love you so much, this much.. T^T
I promise that I won't cry, but I can't keep that promise..
My heart is broken into a pieces when I saw the video in your link
In my mind, I think "God.. is there no other way? To keep it work?"
I don't know. God seems silent..


And I remember, in past..
The first time I fall in love with her, I prayed to God
and asked God to give me chance to make her mine
but if there's a time that God wanted to take her back.. I will let Him to take her back..


This is the time.. to give her back to God.. and let God take care of her, without me..
I don't know God.. Am I willing to do that? I just keep saying in my mind:
"God, please give her back to me.. Please give us that way, Please give us another chance, Please don't make her belong to somebody else.."


God.. but if I have to lose her, let it be..
I just hope that she will find her happiness, as I also will


I just wondering, how cud I live days without her..
LIfe must go on, show must go on.. but what life and what show without her?


and I cry myself to sleep.. so sad..
I am deeply wounded..
I got a heart without a home..
But that's all


Move on, man!! Lets move on..!!
I know God would guide me.. would guide her..
to reach Your will.. the best for us..
I believe You, God, an awesome God..
I believe in miracle
and I believe that everything wud be wonderful in His time..


Gbu my B.. Walk with Him through everything.. :)

Yesus Selalu Peduli

TAK PERNAH SENDIRI LYRICS - Ux Band

saat kau jatuh dan terluka

hidup hampa kau rasa
jangan pernah takut dan menyerah
krn aku pernah merasakannya

**
saat kau sendiri menanti
harapan yang tak pasti
janganlah kau bimbang menjalani
krn semua pernah aku lalui

bulu yang patah terkulai
takkan pernah dipatahkan
sumbu yang pudar yang layak
takkan pernah dipadamkan

sadarilah kau takkan pernah sendiri
ada Yesus yang selalu peduli


===================================


Thanks God..


Untuk mengerti kami
Untuk mengisi kehampaan ini
Untuk mengisi kekosongan ini
Untuk selalu peduli apa yang terjadi
Untuk tak pernah meninggalkan kami sendiri


Maaf kami kadang mengandalkan diri sendiri
Kami sombong dan sering menilai orang lain dengan standar kami
Tuhan, bila orang lain memiliki dan saya tidak, biarlah saya mengerti bahwa itu dari Tuhan
Supaya hati saya tidak iri dengki dendam
Biar saya dapat memaafkan
Seperti Engkau yang selalu memaafkan saya, padahal seringkali saya menyakiti Tuhan


Tuhan yang mengijinkan
Tuhan yang memberi
Tuhan yang mengambil kembali


Amin

One Last Cry

One Last Cry - Brian Mcknight

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

Cry......

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ARggggHHhhhhhhhh... this broken heart.. huff.. yasudahlah..
Crying is okay, for the last time yah..

Beneran sedih, hari liburannya..
yasudahlah..

Yang penting udah tau kenyataannya, uda liat orangnya..

TIME TO FACE THE TRUTH!

He is better than me, I know..
dan gua bersyukur sama Tuhan, kalau orang itu mau ke gereja bareng dia..
God bless them..

God, thanks uda nunjukin apa yang harus gw tahu.. :)
Dan yang gw bsa lakuin skarang, yah.. percaya saja..
Tuhan pasti tau apa yang gw rasain, dan apa yang gw butuhin..
Percaya saja
Akan ada yang lebih baik di luar sana

Amin

Sedih..

13.05.2010, hari kenaikan Tuhan Yesus..
Tanggal merah, holiday, liburan.. :) :) :)


Tapi saya sedih.. Tuhan Yesus mungkin lebih sedih..

Berawal dari iseng chatting sama seorang teman Kristen..
Setelah panjang lebar bahas liburan besok mau kemana dan ngapain, sampelah di titik percakapan yang awalnya bikin saya agak sedikit kecewa dan marah..
Teman saya yang notabene Kristen, lebih lama dari saya ke gereja dan dibabtis..
Ternyata ga tau bahwa besok itu, tanggal merah, adalah hari kenaikan Tuhan Yesus..

Melewati fase kecewa dan marah.. percakapan berlanjut..
Semakin lama saya semakin sedih, bahkan sampai ingin menangis..
Orang tsb ga tau juga bhw ada perbedaan antara jumat agung ke paskah, paskah dan kenaikan, kenaikan dan pentakosta..

Saya sedih..

Bukan karena saya menghakimi orang yang tidak tahu hari-hari raya Kristen..
Saya juga bukan orang yang tidak punya salah, bukan orang yang hafal semua keKristenan, bahkan belum membaca Alkitab secara utuh :(
dan jujur saya juga sempat ragu ketika teman saya bertanya tentang hari Pantekosta..
sampe2 saya search wikipedia, untuk mencari jawaban..

Iya, saya sungguh sedih..

Karena kami, saya dan termasuk anda.. seringkali berkoar-koar mengenai keKristenan, Tuhan Yesus yang hebat, Juruselamat, mengajak orang-orang bertobat, ke gereja, berkhotbah, menghakimi seseorang.. bertindak seolah-olah menjadi orang paling benar dan tahu segalanya..

TAPI SEBENARNYA KAMI INI BELUM MENGENAL YESUS KRISTUS..

Hati saya hancur, Tuhan..

Saya.. merasa tidak layak.. mungkin sama seperti Petrus setelah 3x menyangkal Engkau.. saya merasa tidak layak..
Saya bilang bahwa saya mencintai Yesus.. bahwa saya hidup di dalam Dia, dan Dia di dalam saya..
tapi hal-hal penting mengenai Engkau saja saya tidak tahu, Tuhan..

Kami, yang mengaku orang Kristen, Tuhan.. kami berdosa.. sungguh berdosa..
Tuhan.. maafkan kami..

Saya sungguh benar merasakan bahwa Tuhan itu sungguh baik..
Kita yang begitu durhaka pada Dia, Dia masih menunggu kita bertobat, dan tetap mengasihi kita, meskipun kita seringkali melupakan Dia..
Kasihnya luar biasa..

Tuhan.. terima kasih, saya bersyukur sungguh bersyukur atas hari ini..
dimana Tuhan menyadarkan saya atas hal ini, hal sebesar ini yang sebelumnya saya tidak sadar!
saya bertobat, Tuhan.. mau lebih mengasihi Engkau, mau lebih mengutamakan Engkau, di dalam hidup saya..
dan mau berusaha menyampaikan hal ini pada setiap orang.. terutama orang-orang terdekat, Tuhan..

saya sempat marah dan kecewa sama teman saya itu..
dan merasa malas untuk bicara lagi sama dia..
bahkan malas memberi penjelasan mengenai kebenaran akan hal ini
tapi Tuhan Yesus yang super baik itu lagi-lagi mengingatkan saya
untuk tidak menghakimi
karena saya sama sekali tidak lebih baik daripada dia

Tuhan.. semoga banyak anak Tuhan yang dimenangkan
Tuhan boleh pakai saya.. sesuai yang Tuhan mau..
dan terimakasih atas anugerah ini, Tuhan
karena Tuhan telah memilih saya untuk merasakan hati Tuhan..

untuk merasakan ketika Tuhan sedih..
ketika umatMu melupakanMu..

bagaimana kami dapat memberitakan injilMu dan memberitakan tentang Yesus
bila kami sendiri belum mengenalMu
Tuhan, bimbing kami.. untuk mengenalMu
dan tetap di dalamMu
dan untuk selalu kembali kepadaMu
di saat kami jatuh dalam dunia ini

Thanks My Jesus.. Met hari kenaikanMu.. :)

I miss U

I miss you!!!

There's no other way to say it

and I can't deny it.. :(

Yeah, you are there, I can see you.. I can call you if I want..

but I won't call you.. this is a part of my pain..

You are there.. but you have changed.. T^T

I miss you.. miss you and me.. miss us..

miss your love..

that you gave to me..

What can I do now?

Call you now, and tomorrow will be the same again..

Coz.. though you are there, you're not belong with me..

Where can I found you again? Where is your love?

O God.. why I have this heart? - -"

so sad.. 

but thanks for making me feel this true love :) 

I don't Understand Me :(

Feels empty today..
What am I thinking of?

Feels like I am a fool

God.. help me..
to do what I should do
not to do what I shouldn't do
to feel what I should feel
not to feel what I shouldn't feel

I'm so lost..
Why You give me this heart?
What do You want me to do with this heart?
What do You want me to get through this heart?

Yes, thanks Jesus, that I've learned about..
trust, pain, responsibility, love, and so on..

Yet, I can't through this without You
I need You, coz I don't understand this feeling yet..
I don't understand me, God..

Feels like there's something that I must do
But I can't see the purpose.. I don't know what to do first..
Where wud u bring me?

Just trust You, and I know I'll be alright
and I know that I'm with You

Jesus, I hope You wud come and take over this thing so soon..
or just saying something so the truth will be done..

O my Jesus..
please, look at us and say something, to fix this, to get me out of this..
to give the answer of our pray, of our question
and to have cure of our pain

Thanks..

Tuhan Tak Pernah Tertidur!!

Saya baru saja baca berita yang tak biasa.. 

http://www.detiknews.com/read/2010/05/03/153938/1350249/10/bersikeras-pria-alter-dipisahkan-dari-tahanan-wanita?991101605

Belakangan ini issue seperti ini sangat sering terdengar..

Yang terlintas di pikiran saya adalah..siapa yang bersalah dalam kasus ini?

Si "pria"? si wanita? keluarga?

Saya bertanya pada Tuhan.. 

Tuhan, mengapa ini bisa terjadi..?

Tertulis di Alkitab bahwa Engkau hanya menciptakan Adam dan Hawa..

Pada mulanya hanya pria dan wanita

Oleh karena itulah selama beribu2 tahun hanya pria dan wanita yang diakui ada di dunia ini oleh masyarakat

dan juga oleh GerejaMu, Tuhan

Sedangkan transgender, siapakah mereka??

Apa mereka menciptakan diri mereka sendiri??

Atau lingkungan yang menciptakan mereka??

Entahlah.. manusia itu rumit, dunia ini rumit..

Hanya segelintir orang yang merasa mengetahui segala sesuatu dan memiliki alasan ideal untuk segala sesuatu..

Padahal sebenarnya mereka sama sekali tak tahu bahwa dunia ini luas, dan masih sangat banyak hal yang tidak mereka ketahui..

Jadi, mereka ini pintar atau bodoh?

Dan akupun berdoa:

Tuhan, tolonglah aku supaya aku mengetahui segala sesuatu yang perlu aku ketahui

dan tidak memusingkan hal2 yang tak perlu aku ketahui..

Tolonglah aku juga supaya ketika aku mengetahui hal2 yang harus aku ketahui, aku dapat menerima kenyataan!

Yah.. saat ini tak ada yang tahu alasannya mengapa terjadi issue transgender tsb..

Tapi Tuhan tidak pernah tertidur!

Dia selalu tahu apa yang terjadi, dan Ia tidak akan melupakan ciptaanNya..

Dia akan menjawab setiap pertanyaan pada waktuNya, dan Ia akan memberikan kelegaan atas masalah ini.

Bantu mereka berdoa, dan juga untuk setiap teman yang mengalami hal yang sama..

In my part of broken heart..

Psalm 34:18 --> The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent.

Thanks God, for being with me in all my time, although in my broken heart..

Yah, pada akhirnya saya tiba di ujung dari serangkaian patah hati ini..
Mulai dari broken up time, sampai she's taken by another guy..
Complete!
It's about one year and a month..

And if I asked, what do you feel?
I feel.. I don't know, i don't even know what I feel..
Am I broken?
Am I dissapointed?

I don't know.. I just don't understand..
I know nothing about her today.. And sometimes I wish I knew.. But another time, I just too afraid to know..

I just cud keep guessing.. but if this is the very end, I hope I cud know very soon..

And you know, I've just dreamt of you..dream of lossing you..

I'm not that honey in your call.. I cud not be him..
There's no different when I know or not, becoz officially, I have lost you.. that's all..

That's all I have to know, and no other my bussiness!

Yes, and I know that you'll happy through this life because of Him.. He will guide you all the time..
and me too..

In the part of my broken heart, I know, I believe..
He will guide me
He know my heart
He know my need and my want
and for sure
He will give me the best guardiance
until He find me the better one

Thanks God!!

Pemandangan dari Dalam Pesawat

Di suatu hari, dalam salah satu perjalanan, 

Ketika pesawat akan lepas landas.. saya melihat ke jendela samping.. 

Perlahan rumah dan bangunan menjadi mengecil

Kemudian menjadi petak petak, disusul oleh sawah dan hamparan hijau..

       sumber: google image search..(bukan arsip pribadi)

Setelah itu saya lihat pemukiman di lembah sebuah gunung.. hanya sedikit saja menyentuh gunung tsb.. hanya menyita setitik dari kulit gunung tsb.. 

      sumber: google image search..(bukan arsip pribadi)

Melihat pemandangan itu, ada yang terlintas di benak saya..

Manusia itu ternyata sangat kecil, sangat rapuh..

Bila dalam kehidupan sehari-hari, saya merasa diri besar, hebat, tinggal di sebuah kota yang padat, sibuk, penuh sesak dengan bangunan-bangunan mewah dan tinggi-tinggi..

Saya merasa dunia ini sangat sempit.

Dan pandangan saya juga menjadi sempit.. Tolak ukur saya, pemikiran saya, hanyalah selebar apa yang saya lihat sehari-hari.

Ternyata saya hanyalah seumpama semut yang berada di rumah saya, di dunia yang ternyata besar ini!

Untuk apa bermegah diri, padahal saya hanya setitik debu di mata Tuhan yang begitu besar, dibandingkan dengan segala ciptaannya.

Untuk apa takut menghadapi hal-hal yang akan terjadi esok di masa depan saya, sedangkan dunia ini sangat besar, dan tak mungkin tak ada jawaban untuk permasalahan-permasalahan di hidup saya.

Benar bila ada pepatah "Dunia tidak hanya selebar daun kelor"

Ketika terlintas bahwa Tuhan itu sangat besar.. dan kita ini hanyalah debu.. saya mulai bersyukur.. dan dipenuhi rasa penyerahan diri kepadaNya..

Tuhan memperhatikan saya yang hanya setitik debu dan penuh dengan kebusukan..

Tuhan mempersiapkan dan mencukupkan saya dgn hal-hal yang begitu besar kepada manusia yang begitu kecil..

Hidup ternyata indah dan sangat luas maknanya..bukan hanya sebatas hal-hal yang saya lihat sehari-hari..

Saya bukan apa-apa tanpa Tuhan..

Saya tak memiliki setitik pun di dunia ini.. semuanya milik Tuhan :D

Thanks God for loving me..and provide me with all I need..

I surrender all, because all is Yours, and You is my all..

GBU all

      sumber: google image search..(bukan arsip pribadi)

Menemukan Tujuan Hidup

Tujuan hidup dan cita2 ideal yang dimiliki oleh orang-orang adalah
sukses, mapan, memiliki rumah tangga yang harmonis, menjadi ayah/ibu yang baik..
menjadi top marketing, memiliki perusahaan sendiri, kerja di luar negeri, jadi artis top, jadi top motivator, dll

Banyak sekali kesuksesan dan sasaran ideal yang ditawarkan oleh dunia ini, dan pasti kita ingin menjadi salah satu diantara banyak pilihan tersebut..

Tapi seringkali seseorang bertanya:
- Apa tujuan hidupku sebenarnya? Apa yang harus aku pilih? Pekerjaan mana yang lebih baik untuk aku? - 

dan terkadang kita jadi frustasi menemukan tujuan hidup, ketika apa yang telah kita pilih dan yakini sebelumnya, gagal total.. sehingga kita mulai meragukan diri dan tujuan, sehingga berkata,
"Apa tujuan aku dalam hidup?"
Semakin kita mencari, semakin kita tidak juga mengerti apa tujuan hidup kita masing-masing.

Bagaimana cara menemukan tujuan hidup yang benar, agar tidak salah langkah ketika memilih?

Sulit, saya tahu itu sulit dan saya juga sempat menyerah menemukan tujuan hidup saya di dunia ini..

Sampai ketika saya baca buku Rick Warren, yaitu Purpose Driven Life.. saya merenung dan menemukan suatu fakta yang mengejutkan bahwa:
Tentu saja saya tidak tahu apa tujuan saya ada di dunia ini, karena saya tidak menciptakan diri saya!!
Yang tahu tujuan saya diciptakan di dunia ini adalah Sang Creator itu sendiri alias Tuhan..
Dia yang menciptakan saya, maka Dialah yang mengetahui untuk apa saya diciptakan dan apa goal yang harus saya capai..

Jadi, saya menarik kesimpulan bahwa, tujuan saya sudah ada sejak Tuhan merencanakan dan menciptakan saya. Saya bukan orang yang hidup tanpa tujuan.
Tapi saya sungguh tidak tahu apa tujuan saya hidup di dunia ini, hanya Tuhan yang benar2 tahu.
Maka saya akan selalu bertanya kepadaNya
dan selalu berjalan bersamaNya
Agar dapat sampai kepada tujuan tsb, tujuan yang telah dirancangNya dengan indah, sejak awal mula saya diciptakan..

Saya hanya harus percaya dan bergantung kepadaNya, mengikuti jalanNya, bekerja di jalanNya, bukan mencari jalan dan tujuan saya sendiri sehingga saya tersesat dan tak sampai di tujuan tsb.

Apapun yang Tuhan rencanakan, itu adalah baik. Dan tak seorangpun diciptakan dengan tujuan yang sama oleh Tuhan. Maka saya mulai belajar, untuk tidak dengki kepada orang lain yang lebih sukses atau lebih baik daripada saya. Hal tersebut sulit, tapi konsep tujuan dari penciptaan ini semakin mengajar saya untuk menerima diri karena Tuhan yang telah menetapkan kelebihan dan kekurangan masing2.

Jadi, bagaimana menemukan tujuan hidup?
1. Percaya bahwa Tuhan yang sangat mengetahui dan merencanakan tujuan hidup kita masing2.
2. Bertanya dan berjalan dengan Tuhan, yang selalu menuntun dan menyertai kita pada satu tujuan yang indah.
3. Mengerti bahwa kita tidak dapat mengetahui dengan pasti apa tujuan hidup ini, tapi kita dapat yakin bahwa kita akan mencapai tujuan yang diinginkan Tuhan atas diri kita.

Thanks God karena telah menjamin hidup saya memiliki suatu tujuan yang indah! 
Bukan karena saya! Tapi karena Engkau yang telah menciptakan saya dan mau memakai saya..

Who Am I?

Lirik yang sangat indah dari band rohani Casting Crowns membuat saya merenung!
Siapakah diri saya? Saya ini milik Tuhan.. dan segala yang saya miliki ini adalah pemberian Tuhan! 
Saya baru memahami bahwa hidup saya sama sekali bukan tentang siapa saya, tapi Tuhan yang telah menjadikan saya dan segala ini tentang Dia!

Seringkali kenyataan hidup membawaku:
1. Berhasil --> sikapku: Aku! Aku adalah yang terbaik, Aku berhasil, Aku hebat, Aku sukses, Aku kaya, Aku punya banyak talenta, Aku berbakat melayani, Aku disukai banyak orang.. Semuanya aku.
2. Gagal --> Aku! Aku tak berguna, Aku ditelantarkan, Tuhan tak menolongKu, Aku tak punya apa2, Aku tak bisa apa2, Aku bukan siapa2.. Aku marah pada Tuhan, merasa diriku tak berarti. Semuanya aku.

Ternyata bukan AKU! Ternyata itu DIA! Segalanya adalah Dia.. bukan Aku..

Thanks God.. Baru saja aku mengetahui makna hidupku.. dan aku sungguh sangat mencintaiNya
Aku sangat berterimakasih padaNya
Secara tidak sadar selama aku hidup, segala hal adalah Dia.. Dia memberi segalanya..
Jika bukan karena Dia, tidak ada Aku
Tidak ada keberhasilan, dan kegagalan pun tak ada maknanya

Siapakah saya? Sehingga Tuhan begitu mencintai saya, dan memberikan semua ini sampai hari ini saat ini detik ini, Tuhan benar2 mencukupkan saya.. dan Dia telah memberikan segalanya..
Keberhasilan, kegagalan, harta milik, kehilangan..

Segala hal adalah milik Tuhan, yang Ia pinjamkan untuk saya, karena Ia mengasihi saya..
Ia yang memberi, Ia yang berhak mengambil kembali..

Sulit untuk diungkapkan dengan kata2..
Betapa tidak berartinya diri ini dibandingkan dengan apa yg telah Tuhan kerjakan bagi saya

Lagu ini sangat indah, mencerminkan kita manusia yang tidak berharga
Tapi Tuhan mengasihi kita sangat
Sehingga dia mau memberikan kepada kita kecukupan
Bahkan Ia memberikan diriNya
dan mendengarkan kita di saat apapun juga

Kami milikmu ya Tuhan, oleh karena itu kami tak akan khawatir akan diri kami..
Karena kami milikmu..

Klik link di bawah ini untuk mendengarkan lagu tsb..


God bless!



Watch Who Am I Video

Lyrics


Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love, and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Kelebihan dan Kekurangan Tuhan

Kelebihan

Dia Tuhan.. yang mampu memulihkan

Dia Tuhan.. yang dapat memberi mimpi

Dia Tuhan.. yang dapat mewujudkan mimpi

Dia Tuhan.. yang bisa merubah segala sesuatu..

Dia Tuhan.. yang dapat menciptakan segala sesuatu

Dia Tuhan.. yang mampu memperbaiki apapun

Dia Tuhan.. yang memiliki jawaban atas segala hal

Dia Tuhan.. yang sanggup melakukan segala mujizat

Kekurangan

Dia Tuhan.. yang tak dapat memalingkan mukanya dari umatNya

Dia Tuhan.. yang tak mampu membiarkan anakNya dalam kesulitan

Dia Tuhan.. yang tak sanggup meninggalkan anakNya tanpa jawaban

Dia Tuhan.. yang tak menolak untuk menderita untuk kita

GBU all