I'm not okay, o God..

God, I'm in condition like I can't even pray.. :(
I feel like everything has gone wrong..
And I feel lost..
Feel like I'm even not knowing myself..

It's so hurting me, like I'm nothing
they start to laugh at me, while they don't even know what I am facing
they judge, and they feel like I'm not precious
and I can't be real

and everything that happened between us, it's nothing but a mistake
it's so hurt, Jesus
so hurt till i thought that I better die
forgive me for that thought

Jesus, how to live my life? I just want to know how to run my life wisely?
coz what i need and what i get is far different
and what i think maybe just far false and wrong
Jesus, cud I have normal life?
I mean, am I right?
if U said go on, then I'm going on
if no, please stop me for being dumb of myself

God, I'm not feeling well
i think i'm gonna go crazy
please just come and save me..
i'm really exhausted
i can't handle it myself

i just want to be true about my self
i'm so tired of all this things

about the job, please place me, anywhere that u feel that i cud growing up

and what is the pain in my things?
do i have to get some medical check up?
:(
God, why it can't be just being like that? just happen like that..
:( :(
forgive me, the one who never being thankful for your blessing..